In Memoriam
Today marks a sad occasion. Molly's beloved friend and companion, Orenthal Roger "Other" Lovey, passed away. His passing occured under mysterious circumstances, as he was found this morning in the Silverman family living room with a gaping neck wound:
Efforts at resuscitation failed, owing mainly to the fact that Other Lovey was a stuffed animal.
Other Lovey's life was brief but vibrant. He came from humble roots. Born in a tiny toy factory in Liupanshi, Guizhou Province in Western China in November 0f 2006, he soon found himself jammed into a packing crate with 22,000 of his brothers and sisters. The crate became part of a shipment of 212,000 of his kinfolk, and the shipment found its way to the Port of Long Beach in Southern California, USA.
Due to certain administrative errors at the Port's Cargo Terminal, Other Lovey was the sole occupant of his crate to fail to make it on the semi truck bound for a WalMart distribution center in Ontario, Canada. Instead, and quite inexplicably, Other Lovey was taken from his crate by two longshoremen with thick Russian accents and gangland tattoos, and deposited in the back of a taxicab with instructions to drop him at the corner of Hollywood and Vine in downtown Los Angeles. There he was met by Vladimir Usenko, a (now-deceased) Ukranian immigrant and local Russian mafia kingpin. Other Lovey quickly found himself floppy-head deep in the seedy underbelly of organized crime in the Southland. With his unnaturally cute good looks, and lack of bone structure, his enemies never saw him coming.
Other Lovey's mob career would be quite short, lasting only until February of 2007 when he was arrested by the F.B.I. on multiple narcotics trafficking counts. He quickly cut a deal to become a government witness, and he testified in a series of trials beginning in March, 2007. His testimony led to the convictions of most senior Russian mob figures west of the Mississippi.
Following a flattering profile in Vanity Fair magazine in April, 2007, Other Lovey became an instant celebrity. He was often seen at movie premieres and clam bakes, and he briefly dated the actress Morgan Fairchild. His heart was broken when she dumped him for being "too soft."
Emotionally wounded and tired of the fast life, Other Lovey made his way back to the Port in Long Beach, where he soon stowed away on another truck -- this one bound for a Target distribution center in Macon, Georgia. From Georgia he was delivered to the Target store in Gainesville, Florida in early July, 2007. Within days of arriving on the store shelves, Other Lovey was purchased by one Erin Silverman of Gainesville. Mrs. Silverman intended Other Lovey to be a gift for her daughter, Molly, and what a gift he was.
Other Lovey was a constant companion to Miss Silverman. He accompanied her to bed each night, in the shower some mornings, on the back patio, in the car, and to social events (most notably at the home of the Steinbergs). Other Lovey prided himself on his mischievious streak, and would often jump into the toilet, or the garbage, or the dog dish just to make Miss Silverman laugh. He was her rock.
Other Lovey is survived by Miss Silverman and Original Lovey. And, it's probably fair to say that he's also survived by the brand new Lovey we bought an hour after throwing Other Lovey away.
Efforts at resuscitation failed, owing mainly to the fact that Other Lovey was a stuffed animal.
Other Lovey's life was brief but vibrant. He came from humble roots. Born in a tiny toy factory in Liupanshi, Guizhou Province in Western China in November 0f 2006, he soon found himself jammed into a packing crate with 22,000 of his brothers and sisters. The crate became part of a shipment of 212,000 of his kinfolk, and the shipment found its way to the Port of Long Beach in Southern California, USA.
Due to certain administrative errors at the Port's Cargo Terminal, Other Lovey was the sole occupant of his crate to fail to make it on the semi truck bound for a WalMart distribution center in Ontario, Canada. Instead, and quite inexplicably, Other Lovey was taken from his crate by two longshoremen with thick Russian accents and gangland tattoos, and deposited in the back of a taxicab with instructions to drop him at the corner of Hollywood and Vine in downtown Los Angeles. There he was met by Vladimir Usenko, a (now-deceased) Ukranian immigrant and local Russian mafia kingpin. Other Lovey quickly found himself floppy-head deep in the seedy underbelly of organized crime in the Southland. With his unnaturally cute good looks, and lack of bone structure, his enemies never saw him coming.
Other Lovey's mob career would be quite short, lasting only until February of 2007 when he was arrested by the F.B.I. on multiple narcotics trafficking counts. He quickly cut a deal to become a government witness, and he testified in a series of trials beginning in March, 2007. His testimony led to the convictions of most senior Russian mob figures west of the Mississippi.
Following a flattering profile in Vanity Fair magazine in April, 2007, Other Lovey became an instant celebrity. He was often seen at movie premieres and clam bakes, and he briefly dated the actress Morgan Fairchild. His heart was broken when she dumped him for being "too soft."
Emotionally wounded and tired of the fast life, Other Lovey made his way back to the Port in Long Beach, where he soon stowed away on another truck -- this one bound for a Target distribution center in Macon, Georgia. From Georgia he was delivered to the Target store in Gainesville, Florida in early July, 2007. Within days of arriving on the store shelves, Other Lovey was purchased by one Erin Silverman of Gainesville. Mrs. Silverman intended Other Lovey to be a gift for her daughter, Molly, and what a gift he was.
Other Lovey was a constant companion to Miss Silverman. He accompanied her to bed each night, in the shower some mornings, on the back patio, in the car, and to social events (most notably at the home of the Steinbergs). Other Lovey prided himself on his mischievious streak, and would often jump into the toilet, or the garbage, or the dog dish just to make Miss Silverman laugh. He was her rock.
Other Lovey is survived by Miss Silverman and Original Lovey. And, it's probably fair to say that he's also survived by the brand new Lovey we bought an hour after throwing Other Lovey away.
Other Lovey (Right)
November 12, 2006 - June 17, 2008
R.I.P.
November 12, 2006 - June 17, 2008
R.I.P.
posted by Josh Silverman at 9:07 PM
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